Tag Archives: attitude

The Best Christmas Ever: A Coach’s Story

Coaching, Job Search, , , , , , , , ,

The Worsening Situation

Sometimes circumstances can make the truly gifted feel incredibly small, even invisible. This is particularly true when a person is out of work, searching for a job that seems further and further away with each passing month. That, by itself, can be a crippling anxiety-generator, but the anxiety mounts when this talented individual is a single parent who looks at the uncertain future with fear and dread.

A coaching client, who I will call Karen, was a single mom who had been out of work for about eight or nine months when I finally met her in August, of this year. We conducted a rehearsal, and then in September we met again to do more work. I went over all of the techniques I wanted her to use to gain control of her emotional state and project a charisma that is magnetic and leads to job offers. She told me she was using several of them, but she was still failing in job interviews.

Our time together was over, but we kept in contact. One day she told me she was excited about an upcoming interview in late November, but I was not excited about her prospects. She sounded weak and uncertain, utterly lacking in confidence. She later told me that she was in a bad place at this stage of her job search. So I scheduled time to visit her on November 24th, the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, to try and prepare her for at least two opportunities.

Charisma Must Be Balanced

Karen naturally radiated warmth-charisma, but not the charisma that says with a sonorous tone, “I am strong and confident and capable of overcoming every challenge.” So, my goal was to balance her warmth-charisma with authority-charisma. When these two are balanced they act  like a powerful pheromone that is irresistible to hiring authorities. We then went over a strategy to help make this so.

Her next interview came and it must have gone well because she made it to the next round.

Ah, the second round. She had reached it several times, but her competitors kept passing her by as they raced for the finish line. Making matters worse, this stage involved the CEO of the company. He was a tough interview, kind of like a poker player wearing sunglasses. He gave nothing away.

The End of Uncertainty

The interview ended and Karen had an uneasy feeling. She was uncertain about how she did. Her feeling of uncertainty ended today when she got her offer. The CEO told her new boss, the VP of Sales, that Karen impressed him. As the VP told Karen, “He almost never says anything like that.” But her offer was not a good offer; it was a great offer. It was twice what another company recently offered her, and it exceeded what she was making a year ago. And here is what makes it stronger: The hiring company knew she had now been out of work for a year, and they knew what she was making. They could easily have offered her a lot less.

Karen was stunned by the generosity of the offer, but as I told her over the phone, “Karen, you’ve developed charisma. You made them want you, yearn for you to be a part of their team, and we can see the appearance of charisma in the result you generated. The hiring company paid you more than they logically and rationally needed to. And that is because, as Blaise Pascal once wrote, “The heart has reasons that reason can’t understand.”

The Best Christmas Ever

Christmas is coming in 11 days, but I am celebrating it today. And it is the best Christmas ever. For I got a chance to help a kind and decent person, who was gifted but did not always feel that way, to climb from her deep, dark sinkhole and arrive at a place where she and her son will be able to chart a new course.

Merry Christmas Karen, and thank you for making my Christmas the best ever.

An Antidote to Negative Self-Talk

Coaching, Job Search, , , , , , , , ,

anxiety2A private client of mine, who I will call Tess, was like a soldier suffering from PTSD. She had been out of work for nineteen months and had failed in fifty-nine, straight job interviews at twenty-nine companies. She was very smart (MBA from the University of Chicago), accomplished, likable, and engaging, but she no longer believed in herself. A tape kept playing in her head that said, “Loser! What happened to you? Your career looked so promising. Why did you screw it up?”

Nineteen months of negative self-talk can make you a stranger to yourself. She no longer knew who she was, and she desperately needed to reconnect with her real self before she disappeared. So, we had a conversation:

Me: Are you smart?

Tess: Yes. I believe so.

Me: What makes you think that?

She looked at me a little surprised. My tone was challenging. I was saying, “Prove it.” She then said:

Tess: Well, I went to a distinguished undergrad program and did very well. I also did well in a post grad program at one the top universities in the country.

Me: Oh, so you have objective evidence that you are smart. This is a fact, not a fantasy, am I right?

Tess: Yes.

Me: Are you likable?

And so the conversation went. It became something of a game, and she would smile with each question. I finally ended it by saying, “When I tell you that you have every reason to be confident because you are smart, likable, and engaging, I am not saying things that aren’t true just to try and make you feel better. I’m sharing objectively verifiable facts. So will you please start believing me and believe in yourself.”

After our conversation she would wake up each morning and say, “I’m smart and I have objective evidence to prove it. I am likable and engaging for the following reasons….”

dreamstime_xl_19169606Her negative self-talk was now replaced by positive self-talk based on reality. A week later she interviewed with a company and was hired. Their salary offer was $20,000 more than her previous salary. This indicates she was able to transform their “need to fill a slot” into “an intense desire to have her fill this slot.”

The hiring authority can feel what we feel. Human nature was designed to have this capability through the mirror neuron system. When the hiring authority feels our anxiety, fear and a lack of confidence this can outweigh the objective reality that each one of us may actually be a great hire. So we need to regain our confidence and when we do, and the 60th opportunity comes around, this same person who failed the previous 59 times can hit the ball out of the park.

When I spoke to Tess after she received her job offer, I could feel what she felt: the pure joy that accompanies the end of a nineteen-month, brutal slog through a wilderness.

THE PATH TO JOB SEARCH SUCCESS:

The following link will take you to my eBook, The Path to Job Search Success: A Neuroscientific Approach to Interviewing, Negotiating and Networking. It details the system used to help Tess and others.

http://amzn.to/1dETvOC

When Job Interviewing Becomes a Strength

Job Search, , , , , , , , ,

I will be conducting a free, 2-hour seminar at the CTC this Thursday afternoon, May 22, from 1-3 PM on mastering the job interviewing process. I believe we can turn this sometimes painful, frustrating process into a strength and that should be welcome news, because strengths are those things we do exceptionally well AND enjoy doing, over and over.

Please raise your hand if you enjoy interviewing for a job? Most people dislike interviewing until they master the process, so I’m guessing not a lot of hands were raised. However, once mastery is achieved the following can take place. This is a true story.

A CTC client of mine was heading out of town to conduct an informational interview at a company where he had once worked. The day before his flight he was told that tomorrow he would have 9 job interviews, would be flown to another office that evening and have 9 more the following day. Three jet trips and 18 interviews in two days. You’ll hear the complete story at the seminar, but let me simply state that he enjoyed the interviews, was relaxed throughout and was rewarded for his efforts.

The seminar will cover the psychological processes in play during a job interview. Once we understand them it should radically change or modify our current interviewing style. You will even get a chance to experience these psychological processes first hand in unforgettable ways. We will develop our value statement and how to use it to answer the “tell me about yourself” question. We will learn why stories are so psychologically powerful and how to construct them. We’ll close with suicide questions, you know, the ones where the interviewer invites you to commit suicide (think: “What are your weaknesses?”).

Copies of my book No Medal for Second Place: How to Finish First in Job Interviews  will be available for $5 a piece, just above my cost to buy copies and have them shipped to me. Since it is clearly not the money, what’s in it for me? My hope is that several of you will master the interviewing process and share with me your success stories, because they are a source of great joy. I still smile when I think of the 18-interview ambush. I’ll see some of you there.

Willpower: A Keystone Habit

Business, Job Search, Problem Solving, , , , ,

In Charles Duhigg’s book, The Power of Habit, he writes about the way willpower, or discipline, is a keystone habit. Once it becomes a habit it tends to affect everything else.

interview-questionsI’ve noticed this during the volunteer coaching that I do at the Career Transitions Center of Chicago. Those who tend to do well are the ones who have the discipline, or willpower, to put forth the effort that is needed to develop:

  • A value statement.
  • Write, edit and memorize ten stories.
  • Develop a networking plan and stick to it.
  • Script and memorize answers to the top 20 questions.
  • Conduct mock interviews to isolate potentially negative or distracting behaviors.

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This takes a lot of work, and many are not up to the task. But those who are find success much faster than those who are not.

Smiling Group of Professionals --- Image by © Royalty-Free/CorbisWhat is a person with poor discipline and inadequate willpower to do? Become a part of a group. Think about some of the most obvious areas where willpower is required, areas like dieting. How do people acquire the willpower to maintain a diet? They join groups like WeightWatchers. And these groups provide many benefits that nurture the development of willpower.

First, they make the achievement seem attainable. As you look around the group you might think, “If he can do it, so can I.”

Second, they reinforce the good behaviors by praising your gains or losses (of weight).

Third, a community offers its own reinforcement. You no longer feel isolated and alone in your struggle.

So, if you are not a particularly disciplined person, then consider becoming a part of a group of people who are pursuing a similar goal. Then, meeting by meeting, you will find yourself moving closer to developing the keystone habit of willpower, a habit that affects everything.

Coping Strategies: The War We Must Win Is Fought Within

Job Search, , , , , , ,

My radio coach, broadcasting legend Lorna Gladstone, told me which podcast of mine was her absolute favorite. It was this interview on coping strategies with Professor Michael Milco. The link to this free, downloadable podcast is:

http://bit.ly/1di96Rr

If you are struggling emotionally with this sometimes agonizing and deflating job search process, then you will want to hear this show. Prof. Milco, who has been counseling people for many years, was awesome.

A True Story about the Incredible Power of Stories

Job Search, , , , ,

Imagine this: You are going on an informational interview at a place where you once worked. You are hoping to network back into that field, but you’ve been away from it for over five years. Suddenly, without warning, the informational interview changes into two days of job interviews, nine interviews each day (yikes!), in two offices, in different states, where they have openings. Some insider information increases the pressure. A friend tells you that there are some within the company who do not want you to work there (obviously they didn’t take a shine to you when you worked there before).

How do you prepare for that? You can’t in the time allotted, but this CTC (Career Transitions Center of Chicago) alum was ready. He had developed over five stories (I know because I worked with him to edit them and make them tighter, and they were powerful stories). His value statement was also tight and flab free. He was a person of substance–advanced degree from a top-rated university–but he was smart enough to understand that his style would determine the outcome. His substance had done little to persuade those who were gunning for him, so he had to charm them by being relaxed, personable, confident, memorable, and likable.

When he was finished he wasn’t told they would get back to him in a couple of days. They told him he could work in either office. He received an offer that he did not need to counter: It was at the top of their pay range for that position. And yes, he had won over even those people who opposed his candidacy.

I asked him something I believed I already knew the answer to, “Did you enjoy your nine interviews per day?” He answered the way I thought he would, “I did. I knew I was ready for whatever they threw at me. I was relaxed, smiling, confident.” I felt the same way after I had once prepared that extensively for an interview and aced it.

Folks, the stuff you are learning at the CTC works, but you have to put in the work, and it is hard work. It can take 5-10 editing sessions, and several difficult hours, to craft one story. However, that one story will be memorable, entertaining, and will separate you from the crowd of people who offer dull data-points and believe that their substance is all that matters. The second, third, and fourth story will increase your separation from the crowd, your memorability and likability. It’s hard work, but as the above STORY shows, it is worth it.

Happy New Year to all and may your goals of meaningful employment be realized.

The Disabled and Job Search

Job Search, , , , , , , ,
Job search is tough for the sighted; imagine how much more difficult it is for the blind, or others with disabilities.
Job search is tough for the sighted; imagine how much more difficult it is for the blind, or others with disabilities.

Job search is tough, but for a very large, growing percentage of the population it is even tougher. I am referring to those who have disabilities. About one in five people–a whopping 20%–have disabilities that require some special consideration during work. But as my interview with Kerry Obrist indicates, the extra work required to successfully integrate people with disabilities into their job is more than worth it, because they can be incredibly productive workers. Please click on the following link to download a podcast of this interview, or to play it right now.

http://bit.ly/1kjb16K

Kerry’s own story is quite impressive and interesting. She was thirty years old, working as a school psychologist, when a degenerative disorder made her legally blind. She is now the CEO of a company that assists other companies in integrating the disabled into their work force.

Coaching Notes: The Genius

Business, Coaching, , , ,

There was a person who needed coaching but he had two things standing in his way. First, he was extremely talented. Second, his ego believed no one was capable of improving him. He was the center of the sales universe and everyone else were satellites circling him in a worshipful orbit.

He actually believed every good idea was his. A company-wide joke went like this: Your idea must be really good, because Joe is telling everyone it was his. Another joke: “What did Neil Armstrong see when he set foot on the moon? Joe’s footsteps, because he had gotten there first.”

Question: How do you coach a genius? Someone who is infinitely smarter than you?

Answer: You can’t coach them directly because, unless you are a certified demigod (think Hercules, or Perseus), your opinion doesn’t really matter. So you must elicit the opinion of someone whose opinion does matter. In Joe’s case, since he was a salesperson, this respected person was his customer.

Why are you even trying to coach someone as good as me?
Why are you even trying to coach someone as good as me?

What was Joe’s problem? One of them was his presentation style. He presented PowerPoint slides that were crammed with text and black and white photos. As I told him, “Your content, the substance of your presentation, is great, but your style is detracting from it. You need fewer words, more color, movement, embedded videos, things that help make your lively presentation more lively.”

My critique changed nothing. It only hurt our relationship. He thought I was incredibly presumptuous to be critiquing him. In short, he hated me for being arrogant enough to challenge an acknowledged superstar.

What was I to do to make this good salesperson better? I did the following. We had an important hospital system coming to our corporate office. I arranged for me to have the first 30 minutes of the presentation, and Joe could have the last hour. I used a presentation rich in graphics, footnoted references to clinical papers, sound, movement, and ideas that strategically addressed problems common to most hospitals. The audience was transfixed. I held them in the palm of my hand. I then turned it over to Joe. Within five minutes they were taking restroom breaks while he was still presenting. After the presentation the key customers came to me and asked, in front of Joe, for copies of my presentation. When I asked why the CIO said, “You’ve made my case for me. You have clear illustrations of benefits, footnoted studies…I can use this internally to sell members within our hospital system on your product.” WOW!

Joe was not a genius–he only thought he was–but he was smart enough to see how the customer had voted on our two presentation styles. Within a week he had adopted the behaviors I had wanted to impart, without me asking him to do so.

Coaching Notes: The Perfectionist

Business, Coaching, , , ,

She was conscientious and flawless in her follow-up. Her customers embraced her as a member of their team, but she had a debilitating problem you could not see. She was a perfectionist, and when things did not go perfectly, and she received feedback that had the slightest tinge of criticism, then she would obsess over that small detail for days, sometimes weeks. It derailed her, demotivated her, and unless you knew the type you could never have guessed what was wrong. And, if you persisted in your criticism, you would have soon received her two-week notice and have lost a valued team member.

So how do you impart success behaviors to someone with this psychological makeup? You might say something like this: “I want to show you something that I’ve seen Joe [the superstar of the team] do, and NO ONE ELSE IS DOING IT. I think it is what is helping him end up first in sales every year and I think you’re the person who can and will compete with him.”

This is a way of making the implied criticism (you don’t possess this behavior) less hurtful. After all, NOBODY is doing this except Joe, who finishes first in sales every year.

If I criticized her I would not achieve what I wanted, therefore, I did not critique her.
If I criticized her I would not achieve what I wanted, therefore, I did not critique her.

Did I ever offer direct, constructive critiques to her? No. There was no need. She was extraordinarily perceptive, and her self-criticisms were accurate and made long before mine could be spoken. To critique her would be to derail her, and she was doing an excellent job. Therefore, my goal was to manage her emotions.

How?

I would welcome her into my office whenever she wanted to talk, even when I was very busy. If she ever appeared at my door I made certain she knew she was my first order of business. Now, if I faced a tight deadline I might postpone our talk by a few hours, unless she just needed to spend a few minutes, but would let her know I wanted to speak to her as soon as possible.

She was like a finely tuned race car. Talking to the boss was maintenance. It made her feel valued (and she was!). But I would never critique her. I would have if she had ever done something egregious that required comment, but nothing close to that ever happened. She was too good, too professional, and too tightly wrapped. However, because I understood how she was wired, and accommodated this, I never failed to receive anything other than 110% from a very talented salesperson.

Coaching Notes: A Teachable Spirit

Business, Coaching, , , , ,

When you start to coach a person you should have high hopes, because you can receive one of life’s most rewarding feelings when you turn someone’s career around. It isn’t often you get the chance to change someone’s life for the better, possibly forever, and coaching can provide this opportunity.

communication

However, understand this, there are some people who have unteachable spirits, who cannot be coached. Take your time before you categorize someone in this way, but if they have an unteachable spirit and do not want to learn, then they won’t, and your valuable coaching time is being wasted.

I once tried to coach someone whose soul was–and still is–set in concrete. He is the type who stubbornly resists all attempts from the world, reality, coaches, and anyone and anything else, from changing him. He offers this defense, “Hey, I’m comfortable in my own skin. If you feel the need to change, then do so. Me? I’m doing pretty damn good just the way I am.”

Depending on when you catch this person in their narrative, they may be doing just fine…for the moment. In his case it took about five years before his average skill level nose-dived into mediocrity; he refused to adapt in the face of technological change, customer change, etc. The company then matched his now, low-level skills with a suitable challenge. He was given all of the smallest accounts in the country and went from being a sales manager to being a customer service agent in all but name.

Here is the point. It is simple and important. You can’t coach everyone. It requires a teachable spirit. If you are coaching someone without one, then you might as well be pumping the Great Lakes into the Pacific Ocean to try and make it a fresh water pond.